I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
