you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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