Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
