It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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