Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
