just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
