I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
