The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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