Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
