I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
