if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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