From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
