Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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