I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
