I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
