so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
