my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
