There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
