ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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