Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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