I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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