Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
