He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
