Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
