I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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