if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
