Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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