So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
