what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize