Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
