rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
