White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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