If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
