I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
