Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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