some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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