You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
