Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
