it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
