Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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