We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
