its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
