i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
