I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
