My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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