Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
