wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
