I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
