was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
