Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
