He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
