I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
