I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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