Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
