So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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