3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she woke up with a sticky ear
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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