Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
