The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
