: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
