After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
