all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize