The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
