Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
