I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
