I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
