Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
