there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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