we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am naked and annoyed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
