There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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