shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
