so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
