He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
